Hair on Fire

“Dad says it over,” Bruce mournfully told us over the phone, “He says he is done and ready to die, he’s tired of living.”

We got off the phone with Bruce and immediately called Dad West. Sure enough, he said the same thing to us. “Dad, I can be there in two days, can you hang on that long?” Marty asked.

“No Mard, that will be too late,” was the solemn reply.

We packed our bags with our “hair on fire” and were out the door within the hour heading to Florida. It was 5 pm when we left, and Marty drove until Midnight. Too tired to drive any longer, we stopped and got a hotel room, slept for a few hours, and then were on the road again.

We arrived that evening and Dad greeted us at the door, saying, “I can’t find anyone to kill me, but I am ready to die.”

Larry (Marty’s younger brother) had taken him to the doctor the week before and he was diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and placed on a 5-day round of antibiotics which were finished a couple days previously.

Dad has never liked water and Mom West said, “he has not been eating.” Knowing a UTI can cause elderly people to struggle with proper cognition, and that Dad was probably dehydrated, and might still have some infection, we put some pure cranberry juice and ginger in his water bottle and he liked it and started drinking a good amount of the flavored water. We also started him on activated charcoal and a probiotic.

Mom West fell and broke her back one and a half years ago and has been unable to stand long enough to cook ever since. Ana (her other daughter-in-law) arranged to have meals delivered to them. But Dad, although suffering from dementia, is a very social type of person, doesn’t like to eat alone and is easily distracted away from the table. We made him some good food, ate all our meals together, kept him hydrated, and slowly dad began improving.

Bruce (their oldest son) and Ana arrived the next day and with family around and people to help take care of the needs of both Mom and Dad, they both began to improve. There was no further talk of wanting to die.

Dad is a strong man even though he has dementia. Mom has a strong mind but is physically challenged. After our first meal together, we took a walk. Mom and Dad both had walkers, but Dad did not need a walker. He walked beside Mom who was already going as fast as she could go and Dad said, “Edie, let’s go faster.” Dad took off almost carrying the walker. Dad and I played with the walker for the rest of the walk leaving the others and Mom to walk at her pace without interference.

The next day, just Dad, a caregiver, and myself went walking. We did not give Dad a walker. At 95 years old he was able to march and jog at a good clip. He might not know where home is, but he is a jolly, physically strong man.

Before leaving, we celebrated Mom and Dad’s 71st wedding anniversary with family and friends living in the area.

As I write, we are headed back home. Mom and Dad have agreed to live in New Mexico with Bruce and Ana where they can have their needs taken care of on a regular basis. They also will be closer to us, and it won’t take us two days to get to them.

Thank you for all your prayers, kind words, and understanding with having to reschedule appointments and not having my usual equipment for coaching calls.

This reminds us just how fragile and changeable life can be. While this was a difficult trip, we were able to roll with it and allow God to work things out as they needed to be and go home with peace of mind and satisfaction that Mom and Dad will be well cared for.

Blue Skies,

Dana West, RD, LD, DIPACLM

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